why?

why?

i’m already a husband, a business owner, a christian, a brother, a son, a friend, and soon to be a father among a list that could probably go for the entire page.

why in the world would i put myself through adding on another task, another thing that has to get crossed off my list everyday?

because this isn’t meant to be a task. it isn’t meant to be a chore. it’s meant to be an outlet – there’s a reason why i’m not spending a whole bunch of time picking out pictures and formatting and worrying about what the layout is. if that was my worry then this would be for something else, to get attention, to make sure that people like the way it looks, to make sure that someone will read it and it’ll get picked up via seo on google and the like.

this is going to be a creative outlet for me. i love to read, i love to write. i remember back in elementary school i think there was a writing contest, and i wrote a short story as like a fourth grader about a young man in the 1830s who was on the underground railroad. it was 15 pages of gloriously written fiction written by a 4 year old, and i loved it. it wasn’t like writing a school paper, or writing copy for an ad or something for my business website – (although i will mention i’ve never done much of that and it’s been on kale – i do write some mean email blasts though.)

this creative outlet will serve a few purposes though, because wasted time is no good:

first purpose – i do aspire to be an author. i’ve actually already started on my first book. i’m super excited about it, i just need to make time for it. but i read a book a few weeks ago and it made a lot of sense – right now i don’t see myself as a writer or an author, and by simply creating a habit of writing even if it’s short or random or whatever will end up being on this, i’ll start to see myself as a writer and start to form the habit of writing hopefully everyday. if i have a habit of writing everyday, i’m hoping it won’t be so hard to make time to work on my book.

second purpose – it’s fun. it’s seemingly relaxing right this second, but of course it’s the first post and it’s 10:25pm and my very pregnant wife is already asleep upstairs. (i love you and you’re adorable) it allows me to be creative, it allows me to write what’s going on in my brain down.

third purpose – that was a solid transition. my brain is so full of weird and random things. i feel like my brain moves a million miles an hour, and that isn’t me bragging, really sometimes it can suck. it keeps me up at night. it keeps me distracted when i need to be getting something done. i can sit in one place and just literally lose myself in my thoughts. honestly i’ve wondered for a while if i went to a doctor and got checked out if they wouldn’t diagnose me with something weird. but it’s a huge, huge positive. i can look at things in a weird way, i feel like i know things. and i feel like this will just help me to organize it, get it out, and move forward.

fourth purpose – this is for me, but it’d be fun if people read it.

fifth purpose – i’m having a son – i’m writing this about 2 months out from his due date. i’m not the biggest fan of using social media, i don’t like to post a ton on my instagram, i don’t really post anything on facebook – i really just use social media as an outlet and platform for my business, and it’s fantastic at that. but while some people post regularly on social media or some people do this or some people do that, one day, when my son and any other children we ever have are old enough, i’d love for them to sit down and read this. not for my own self edification – but honestly so that there’s written proof on the internet somewhere that before they were born, before they were even here, before i’d seen them (these are all using pronouns assuming we’re going to have more than one) – that i love them more than anything. and everything i do, absolutely everything i do – it’s for your mom, and it’s for you. i don’t care what other people think. i don’t care what other people do or say or assume. i care about you. i care about the life you’re going to live, the opportunities you’re going to have, the dreams you’re going to live out and accomplish, and i will always and forever do everything in my power to give you the world. and also attempt to somehow manage to not spoil you while i’m doing it.

i’m not going to worry about correct grammer, i’m not going to worry about what it looks like, how it reads, and honestly i don’t give a shit if anyone reads it. it’s for me. if you happen to read, welcome to my life. my story. my outlet.